| last one for awhile, i think |
I'm really beginning to hate all those trashy romance novels. Maybe they don't even have to be trashy, maybe they just have to be cute. You know, the ones that are always all "Ouuuu he's SOOOOO dreamy I want to sex him up" and the guy is like "I wanna pick her up" and you're left thinking to yourself, why does she not realize what the hell she's getting into.
I mean, it's oh-so easy to see what's happening when you know the whole story. Everything seems so simple when you work out in your head what's going to happen and as you read on you just smile to yourself and say "I so, so called that." Well, I guess I have a lot of friends that would be writing a letter to the universe saying something along the lines of "I so, so called this." But I guess the thing about real life is everythingn isn't laid out as clearly as a plot in the book. An author can choose words to perfection to suit people and places and conflicts. In reality, well, it's moreso that you're clawing tooth and nail to just to get one sentence together that describes how you feel on an average day, let alone something you feel strongly about. Just like those characters in books that frustrate you as a reader. Whether it's a guy or a girl that just doesn't want to let people in. I know a couple in my world, and I could name dozens from stories and more and more I just wish I could be like them. It's stupid, I know, because it's really unhealthy to hold everything in. I had that conversation tonight with a good friend. But at the same time it has that appeal. The thought that maybe it would be easier to not care, to not need anyone and not be needed. If you just think about it.. it's easier then being hurt, I'd say. Then, what do I know anyhow. Something else about books that's undesirable? Open ended endings. Who wants something as unclear, undecisive an open ended ending. Jonas in The Giver.. does he die? Does he reach Elsewhere? Why do we care so much anyway, the story sucked throughout so why bother about the ending? You care about the ending because it's the ending of a book, or anything really, that gives you sense of fulfillment, makes you cry, or makes you throw the story down in a rage because the author was so stupid as to leave you hanging. No sequel, no second chances.. Just second guesses that you'll carry with you forever. Who wants that? I think I went on a bit of a rant one time about Shakespeare, and how Julius Caesar related to life. Since, you know, Caesar was only murdered for what he could potentially do rather that what he did do. If you went around convicting people for things they could possibly do, there wouldn't be many people left in this world. Everyone has the potential in them to be a monster, but you can't just hate them for that possibility. No one would have anyone, and regardless of what I want right now, everyone does need someone. I love my friends, they're amazing. They pull through for me when I need them and I couldn't ask for anything more. It's getting to be that I'd just rather push people away then talk sometimes, but don;t think for a second your efforts aren't appreciated. To Megan, Emma and Lauren I am sorry for all the stuff in the last year and how I've changed, but I'm not going back. I guess it's not that I don't want to, but moreso too much has happened now to be that same person. Sometimes the people you love are just the first on your emotional hit list. They're the ones that really matter to you and the ones you want to see succeed in everything they do. At the same time, though, they're the ones you don't want to show you're hurting, and it only gets worse the more that you hurt. For some reason I have this idea that I should just 'get over' things. I wish I don't care so much, I wish I could be different.. but that's not really helping anything. It's not going to, either, but I doubt I'm going to change so either you're sticking with me or you're leaving. Just.. I have to realize that I will have a great life. It's a gift, and I want to do everything I can with it. It's not about wasting years, or everything going too fast. It's about living up to what you can be and not holding back on any opportunnity you have to love and be loved back. As long as you try to make it all work and keep yourself happy you'll be fine, and you deserve everything that comes to you. Everyone deserves to be loved, and missed, and cared for. And you do Craig, you really do. Sometimes people hurt you and you try to let go but you just can't. It's not easy to let go of a part of you. So maybe, it's not about sharing your life, but maybe it's about being a part of as many lives as you can. Friends? |
